– W. C. Fields
"The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other."
Funny Christmas Card Quotes
Helen Steiner Rice
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live".
- George Carlin
"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas".
– Johnny Carson
"There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries."
"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it".
- Richard Lamm